On the subject of decorating

My eyes are going crossed because I spent a significant amount of time the last couple of days looking at comforter and sheet sets in the theme of "lady bug." I don't know a lot about children's bedroom decor, but I can tell you one thing: There are more versions of lady bug themes than you could dare to dream. Red. Pink. Purple. Large print. Small print. Girly and ruffly. Stark and modern. It's enough to make your head spin.

Remember picking out your theme for your bedroom? My first one was clowns but that was when I was a baby and it wasn't my choice, obviously. I mean...OBVIOUSLY. Who picks CLOWNS? Clowns are terrifying. Sorry, Mom, but my enduring fear of clowns is totally your fault. My clandestine viewings of Stephen King's "It" and "Killer Klowns From Outer Space" had absolutely nothing to do with it.

The first one I remember picking out was unicorns. Oh, my childhood love of the mythical horned creature of wonder and wishes and magic. I recall praying that God would make unicorns real and bring me one. (I'm still waiting on that one.)

I am fairly sure there was another one in there after the unicorns like Rainbow Bright or something. But the next one I vividly remember was this one:

While I delighted in this particular theme at age 12, I endured the shame of eventually realizing it was completely uncool at the age of 14 to press my face gently into the image of Joey McIntyre every night - you know, since most of my friends were pressing their faces not so gently against the faces of actual people at that point, I think I went for a tame, lame plaid pattern. My criteria was simply: what was least likely to get me made fun of?

The college years, I think that plaid mess followed me from dorm to dorm to apartment. I think I lugged a sage green down blanket around with me for a few pre-marriage years and then gleefully registered for a grown-up feather bed/comforter set in a unisex gold/beige pattern. Ladies, I have to tell you, I feel it is the only decent thing to do, to avoid floral patterns when it comes to the marriage bed. I mean, what dude wants to climb in bed surrounded by daisies or orchids? It's weird. Be nice to your husbands. I mean, if you insist on having florals in the bedroom, then you had better be willing to make a tradeoff like having french fries and Pepsi for dinner every night or a football team-themed lamp in your dining room. Ew.

Since we're moving, we need a ton of new stuff, but a new comforter is pretty far down the list. While I won't be picking out anything new anytime soon, I can tell you this: it will not feature flowers, lady bugs or pop stars of any kind.